TAG: Inspiration and motivation to do better. BE better.

I don't know if I'm the right person to talk about this topic, because I myself am seeking this.

But after some consideration i've decided that I am.

1th September. School becomes too much. Too many doctor appointments, I can't cope with everything.

22th September. I have Cholesteatoma (Ear tumor)

27th September. I get diagnosed with a mental illness.

1th October. Operation day. Time to remove my Cholesteatoma. One of the last things I said to my mother was that I did not wan't to wake up again, I was done.

1th October. I woke up.

And after this point on I was just a total wreck.
I saw no light anymore.

Yes I hit my wall.

But I managed to come up step by step. I'm not saying that I'm totally recovered. I still think about that tumor a lot. I still have a very hard time coping with school, I did after all miss 4 whole months.

I used to be that girl who gave everything. Everything I did had to be perfect. I was a happy girl. My smile never faltered, no matter what I went trough in my life.

Finding that spirit is the hardest thing I've ever done in my whole life. I haven't found it completely yet but I'm close.

In life you will be tested. You will be tested over and over again. You will wonder WHY ME? WHY does it have to be you.
Hearing that I have a tumor is the hardest thing I've ever had to hear.
WHY ME?

I'm sorry to say that we'll never know why. It just happens.

People wanted me to feel better,  my best friends would literally ask me over and over again if I wanted to do something,  they always came back, no matter how many times I said no. Friends at school would tell me how much they miss me and want me back etc. But if I'm not motivated to come back I won't that's how we work. With help from my psychologist I started fighting a horrible battle against myself.  We worked on finding joy again. Find happiness in life, be motivated to live. And I did. Start small. Start seeing the beautiful in small everyday stuff. Begin somewhere. Take inspiration to your heart.

Everyone have their own mountains to climb.
We got to climb them. We can't stop.

When your on the ground you only see sticks and stones. Things that want to break you. Looking up at the mountain you see nothing but clouds. You can't see what's at the top of the mountain. It's clouded.

So you have to climb that mountain to find out what it is. At first you might do it because it feels better than being surrounded by everything that can break you. But the father up you come the easier it get's to see things from another perspective. The view from where you are now is actually pretty nice. What would it be like at the top of the mountain? You don't know, but out of curiosity you climb up. You climb up to the top. Because you want to see what the view is from there. You might slip on your way but just brush it off and continue.
The view from the top is beautiful is it not?

The same with life. Just because you don't see the top doesn't mean it's not there, and it's probably the most beautiful thing you'll ever see once you are there.

So keep fighting. Do better. Be better. Life is what we make it. I've learned that we can't control everything, but we just have to make the best out of our situation. We must never quit fighting for a happier life.

xoxo Lihini